Man Won’t Hug Tree Shirt

May 18th, 2010 | Filed under Opinions and Perspectives, Rants, Shirts
Man won't hug tree shirt

Awww come on man the tree just wants a hug – Click Image $19.99 USD

Trees are stupid, sticky, and smelly, they break the roads and sidewalks, and drop little pieces of themselves all over my house and car. I hate trees.

Oh I know the birds  like them, but who needs bird  poop on their cars, one time I had a bird poop on my head from a tree, and I didn’t like that either, if the tree wasn’t there than there would have been no bird poop on my head that day. Stupid birds in stupid trees, waking me up in the morning and pooping. If birds were civilized they would use the tree to wipe their bottoms like humans do.

I really like to cut down trees and burn them, the food I cook on the fire tastes especially good because I know it was cooked with tree.

At my work I help turn trees into  business reports, which we file away and never read again. This is what trees are for.

  1. Janene Murphy
    Jul 8th, 2011 at 06:35
    Reply | Quote | #1

    Ha ha — too much! Go ahead, hug a tree. They’re nice and scratchy on your face. Good for exfoliation! Hmmm…..foliage….exfoliation… just made that connection for the first time!

  2. nothingprofound
    Jul 8th, 2011 at 08:35
    Reply | Quote | #2

    Yes, kitten, would enjoy this rant; but the sad thing is you’re just playing and having fun and she really means it.

  3. PBScott
    Jul 9th, 2011 at 09:27
    Reply | Quote | #3

    @Janene Murphy

    LOL @ Exfoliation.

    @nothingprofound

    I don’t think she can be really serious about what she says, she is probably living in a beautiful place with many trees, and does not know what it is like to not have much nature around.

    If she is serious, lets hope she never gets any sort of power that would allow her to act on her hatred of nature.