We Can No Longer Relate

I grew up like most Canadian boys, watching hockey and American sitcoms on televison, and listening to rock and roll. Times with my friends were shared discussing these simular interests, how such and such should have passed the puck, the joke so and so said, and how some new album was about to be realeased, these are the things that helped pass the time with my friends back in the day.

Since I have became a world traveler, which was before the Internet was available, I was not able to keep up with the sports of my home country, the sitcoms, or the popular new music etc. I gained more worldly interests, such as trance music, jazz, new age, all sorts of classical and popular music from all over the globe, literature, history, and world events etc. On a weekly basis, I started to read magazines such as Time, Foreign Affairs, and Newsweek, as well as reading local newspapers whenever I could. When I watch television I like to watch channels like History Channel, Discovery Channel, Local News, CNN, BBC, CBC, Bloomberg’s etc. On the Internet, I read a lot of Wiki, and other intelligent websites.

The boys back home however still spend their media time watching sitcoms, and sports on television, or listening to rock and roll in their car on the way to work each day, most of them tuned to the same station they did twenty years ago.

I still speak with my old friends, though sadly not much anymore. When I do, at some point in the conversation, I will unintentionaly,  speak over most of their heads, they are unable to understand me anymore, some of them are  completly unable to comprehend, or believe some of the facts I pull out of the world news, some just dont care.

I have evolved beyond our past relationships,  I miss my friends, but I can not regress back to the way I used to be over 20 years ago. I hope one day we can find a common interest, and be close again, but I realize this will probably never happen, because I don’t think I know any hockey players by name anymore, and they likely will never travel, or become interested in the world, so therefore, we can no longer relate.

Music Television For Monkey Shirt

Music Television Form Monkeys Shirt MTV Chimp

Music Television For Monkeys - Click Image $17.99 USD

Every man’s life has a purpose, a divine calling given at birth, most never discover the meaning of their life, but mine was revealed to me one night in a dream.

I was cruising down the muddy banks of the Ugandan Nile on a raft steered by a smiling chimp. There are hippos, elephants, buffaloes, and crocodiles in the water. One mistake by the chimp will bring certain doom.

After a time the chimp’s smile faded, and he started to steer suicidaly towards the animals. In desperation I began to sing Row Row Row The Boat, this made the chimp smile, and steer towards safety.

When I woke, I knew I needed to make monkeys happy. I immediatly went to work on Music Television for Monkey. Thankfully, now when I dream, the chimp always smiles.

Man Won’t Hug Tree Shirt

Man won't hug tree shirt

Awww come on man the tree just wants a hug – Click Image $19.99 USD

Trees are stupid, sticky, and smelly, they break the roads and sidewalks, and drop little pieces of themselves all over my house and car. I hate trees.

Oh I know the birds  like them, but who needs bird  poop on their cars, one time I had a bird poop on my head from a tree, and I didn’t like that either, if the tree wasn’t there than there would have been no bird poop on my head that day. Stupid birds in stupid trees, waking me up in the morning and pooping. If birds were civilized they would use the tree to wipe their bottoms like humans do.

I really like to cut down trees and burn them, the food I cook on the fire tastes especially good because I know it was cooked with tree.

At my work I help turn trees into  business reports, which we file away and never read again. This is what trees are for.

iPoor Buy Me Something Shirt

I Poor Buy Me Something Shirt

I Poor Buy Me Something Shirt - Click Image $17.99 USD

Everywhere I look today everyone has these cool new iGadgets, they have touch screens, video, music, applications and games. I see advertisements for them on the TV and the Internet, and hear about them on the radio, and I see others with them. I really want one, If I had one of these I would be happy forever.

I don’t have a car I wish i had a car, a big one would be nice, maybe a bit stylish looking, slightly pimped up Mercedes. With like some really cool looking mags on it.

Right now though all I really need is just one of those super cool touch screen iGadgets.

Can you get me an iGadget please? I am not asking for much, just one of those?

iPoor buy me something.

Star Wars Coffee – May The Froth Be With You Shirt

Star Wars Coffee Shirt

May The Froth Be With You – Click Image $19.99 USD

Star Wars Coffee has a reputation for brewing high quality coffee for more than six thousand years.

It takes a very special bean and a rigorous process to produce Star Wars Coffee’s consistent high quality brew.

Wookie Valdez himself selects and inspects each and every bean from the Forest Moon of Endor’s eastern slopes. Only the very highest quality beans will ever considered for a cup of Star Wars Coffee. Once certified to meet Star Wars quality standards, the fate of the Star Wars Coffee bean is not left to chance. At the shops every detail is carefully orchestrated – including the temperature and amount of water used, the timing and consistency of bean grinding, and the length of time the coffee is brewed.

Upon leaving our restaurants, our caring crew, will offer you these kind words of good fortune.

“May The Froth Be With You.”

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