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I was happily relaxing, when I began to hear the sounds of trouble working it’s way through the house. Doorways were being forcefully opened and closed, as the aggravator’s footsteps grew steadily louder. A grumbled murmuring began as she drew near, as though she was warming up her mouth’s well oiled engine for the marathon session ahead.

In the realization that I would soon be shanghaied onto another journey to Idiot Island, over it’s ocean of accusations, demands, insults and madness, I began to panic.

I had no door to escape through, so considered hurling myself through the glass of a nearby window. With just moments to spare before the verbal assault began, I finally found my salvation with a nearby music player.

 

Problem Solved.

Satan Gave Me A Taco – Beck – Video and Lyrics

If you ever run into Satan, it is very important that you do not take anything from him.

Just look what happened to Beck.

Satan Gave Me A Taco – Lyrics


Satan gave me a taco and it made me really sick
The chicken was all raw and the grease was mighty thick
The rice was all rancid and the beans were so hard
I was gettin’ kinda dizzy eatin’ all the lard
There was aphids on the lettuce an’ I ate every one
An’ after I was done the salsa melted off my tongue
Pieces of tortilla got stuck in my throat
An’ the stains on my clothes burned a hole through my coat
My stomach was a-tremblin’ and I broke out in a rash
I was so dry and thirsty and I didn’t have no cash
So I went and found a hose, tore off all my clothes
Turned on the water and it shot right up my nose
Some old lady came along and she thought I was a freak
So she beat me with a handbag till I could hardly speak
I was lying there naked, my body badly bruised
In a pool of my own blood, unconscious and confused
Well, the cops came and got me and threw me in their van
And I woke up on the ceiling and I couldn’t find my hand
They took me to the judge, his eyes a-glowin’ red
The courtroom was filled with witches and the dead
Well, the sheriff was a hellhound with fangs and claws
The prisoners were tied up and chained to the walls
The air was gettin’ thick; the smoke was gettin’ thicker
The judge read the verdict: said, “Cut off his head!”
Well, they placed me on the altar, and they raised up the axe
My head was about to explode when I noticed the Marshall stacks
I noticed all the smoke machines, cameras and the lights
Some guy with a microphone, runnin’ around dancin’ in tights
And I noticed the crew and the band playin’ down below
And I realized I was in a rock videoSo I went and joined the band and I went out on tour
And I smoked a lot of heroin and I passed out in manure
I made out with the groupies, started fires backstage
I made a lot of money and I gave it all away
Well, the band got killed, so I started a solo career
And I won all the awards and I drank all the beer
I opened up a taco stand just to smell the smell
Cookin’ with the devil; frying down in hell

(spoken)
Today’s ah-August 4, 1982; i’m really bored
There was some dead animals we played with
There was a weed whacker, we stole two of them
A cop car was on fire
My friend scott, he was running and he slipped on a twinky
And his nose was covered with blood
Security helicopter shot a spotlight
Somebody pulled their pants down

The Start Of War

My eleven year old son asked me the other day why wars start. This is obviously a very difficult topic to explain properly, so I decided to over simply it for him as much as I could.

I told him, the usual causes of war are not much different than why we have fights on a school playground. Often one person has something the other person wants, and the instigator feels he has the power to take it from them, sometimes it is a physical object, but sometimes the bully feels threatened by the victim’s perceived power, and feels the need to take their power away, before they become too powerful.

Of course the other key ingredients in wars are a total disregard for the needs of others, or human life in general, and a defiant victim standing up for themselves.

I then used this short video below to show him exactly why wars start. Enjoy !


Stupid Dog On The Beach

Some of you may feel I have too many cat, and not enough dog videos here on Chasing Carrots Blog.

Believe it or not, I do actually like dogs, I know a few good dogs around the neighborhood I enjoy petting, and have even owned a dog once. I find dogs to be wonderful empathetic creatures, and hope one day, once I have a house with a decent sized yard, to own one once again.

I would not necessarily like to own the dog in the video below however. Enjoy !

True Confessions of a Video Game Junkie

Hi, my name is Scott, and I am a video game junkie.

I am not sure exactly when it all started, I seem to have the vague memories of sitting downstairs at a family friend’s house on New Years day, fondly playing Pong at about the age of six for a few hours, but I am not really sure if that would be the beginning of my addiction. Thinking back, I guess my addiction really started once I had a few too many hours alone with an Atari 2600 video game system given to me one wondrous Christmas morning, I played until I had blisters on my fingers, and yet was still determined to play for many painful hours afterwards, I think I was seven.

Like any good junkie, I have given up mass sums of money, easily spending tens of thousands of dollars over the years, if not hundreds of thousands to feed my insatiable need. I have forgone my health by missing many meals and exercise just to play games. I have called in sick to both school, and work just to get to the next level, and at one particularly troubled period of youth, even stole money to get my fix.

Don’t go feeling sorry for me though, have a good look at the poor kids in this next video, and the good people at Columbia House that try to help them. Spread word to your friends about this, post it in your status on whatever social networking sites you are on, and who knows, you might even save a life.

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