I’m A Slow Learner Shirt – Monkey With Dynamite

I'm A Slow Learner

I'm A Slow Learner Shirt - Funny Monkey Shirt $19.99

Dude, give the monkey a match.

Oh come on man, you know it’s going to be funny, and look at the little guy he really wants it.

Yeah, I know it hurt him before, but he wants to do it again. Why would you deny him his fun? How can you resist those cute little eyes?

Don’t you see how he is looking at you? Just give him a light.

Cool, good job on the match. Now he is smiling. You have made him happy.

Look at him, the silly monkey, what a slow learner he is, he doesn’t realize what is about to happen, he is just excited to hear the firecracker go bang.

This is going to be really funny.

Good Monkey Like Beer, Not Like Banana T-Shirt

On March 8, 2010, my college Joe and I were brought to the Tuktoyaktuk headquarters of the NWO to have a meeting with “The Monkey”

Part of my work as a traveling photo journalist working on secret contract for the NWO, is of course the study of monkeys. In this case actually a Chimpanzee, who is not really a monkey, but this one believes he is so we wont argue with him. We were told The Monkey had a message to share with the world, and that we were here to collect, and publish it.

Upon arrival, we were guided through heavy security to a large room on top of the fortress.  We waited a few  minutes, then were instructed by a large heavily armed guard that The Monkey would see us now.

Funny Good Monkey Like Beer Not Like Banana Shirt

Good Monkeys Like Beer and Headphones, Not Bananas Shirt - $19.99 click on image

We followed the guard into  a very large room that almost  took up an entire floor of the huge fortress, books covered the walls, and there was a large lit fireplace with a reading lamp next to an beautiful leather armchair.

The Monkey was in the chair  stoking  the fire a bit with a black metal rod, after a moment, he looked up at us with his wise, all knowing  eyes.

He said, “You know, it has always been to my belief, after meeting with my fellow monkey companions, that in order to become above average, and considered a ” Good monkey”, you must do things differently than most of the masses.

The monkey took a long pause, and looked thoughtfully around the room, there was a shine in his eyes, I am not sure if it was  from the fire, or some sort of internal glow fueled by his great wisdom.

“What is your secret?” I asked him.

The Monkey picked up an ice cold  bottle of beer from beside his chair,  put on his headphones and began to sway to some music that my associate and I couldn’t hear, then he said something I will never forget.

“Good Monkey Like Beer Not Like  Banana.”

Mr Jihad T-Shirt – Bearded Bombed and Ready to Blow

Crazy Mr Jihad Shirt

Mr Jihad Shirt Bearded Bombed and Ready to Blow - Click Image $19.99 USD

For too many years now little western children have grown up laughing at Mr Messy. Little Miss Naughty has been used as an example of what not to do, and Little Miss Bad has been seen as a cute joke.

Generally all of the Little People have not been taken seriously by the people of the west.

Now we will give you one Mister character you will not be able to make jokes about, here comes Mr. Jihad.

Yes that is right Infidels we have added a new soldier to our arsenal of little people, and you will have to take it very seriously,  Mr Jihad is on his way.

Lets see you laugh at that !

* Note: Not recommended for airports.

Ching Chong Chai – Rock Paper Scissors to the Death – Funny Shirt

As kids we occasionally played the game Rock Paper Scissors amongst ourselves. It was a decent way to spend short periods of time, and settle our disagreements.

Rock Paper Scissors to the Death Shirt

Rock Paper Scissors to The Death - Click on t-shirt image $17.99 USD

When rock beat scissors, scissors beat paper, or paper beat rock, as children we would laugh and simply try again. This was something that we did almost daily, and no harm ever came from it.

Often however as we grow up, the things that are so simple as children become much more complicated.

As adults the true nature of our actions become apparent to us. Our decisions much more vital.

Rock, Paper or Scissors… which to choose.

Rock Paper Scissors is  in actual proven fact by some guys in Tuktoyaktuk, using seals,  just another way of  acting out our predator within, our evil internal spirit that is always just waiting under our happy, shiny external presence we try and hide from others.

This image shows you the evil that can be done by adults that play children’s games.

The two gangsters incant the game using Chinese so as to have more kung fu or Jedi like abilities, “Ching Chong Chai”

Do not try this at home.

I Do All My Own Stunts Shirt

Life is full of dangers and accidents, often famous people have “stunt men” stand in for them to save them from the threat of injury or pain.

But there are real men in this world, that take care of themselves, they don’t need a person paid to take the risk of pain or damage away from them.

Real men like me are not afraid of a little pain, thankfully I do all my own stunts.

A list of stunts I have done myself:

    I Do All My Own Stunts Flaming Sick Figure Tee

    I Do All My Own Stunts, Do you ? Click Image $17.99 USD

  • Being attacked by poodles – It is true this was a little scary at first, I would not recommend this for everyone, there is of course  pain involved, but doing so just made me a tougher man.
  • Falling off my bicycle – I came, I rode, I fell off. After the screaming, running around and crying ended, I was just that much stronger.
  • Scratched by kittens – This was very scary at first, but after years of kitten abuse, I am now so strong, I actually do this one for fun.
  • Stubbing my toes – I have done this so often I am not even worried anymore, I actually walk around the house barefoot these days.

I am quite proud of the stunts I have performed, and now wear this shirt as a badge to my braveness, you can click on the image to get your own if you wish.

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