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In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.


When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.


You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.


Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.


It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.


Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.